Being Happy and Taking Care of Yourself isn’t Selfish.

Being Happy and Taking Care of Yourself Isn't Selfish - It's Selfless.

Were you taught that you need to "do" everyone else first, and then “you do you?” 

Did you grow up watching your mom or primary caretaker run around feeding, nurturing, and cleaning up after everyone before she took care of her basic needs like eating, exercising, sleeping, creating, connecting, and so forth? If you're in your midlife years I'm guessing the answer is YES!

Listen, our mamas learned it from their mamas. There might've been a time and place when it was necessary to do this. Perhaps, it meant getting food on the table, tending the fields, taking care of six kids, etc.

My question is…is it TRUE for YOU NOW?

Are you also someone that measures your self-worth by how much you can DO, juggle and accomplish? Do you feel that you lean more to the side of a human DOING instead of a human BEING? Do you ever think that if you stop doing, juggling, pleasing, accomplishing, and ticking off the boxes your perceived value as a woman, mother, community member, etc., would not be "good enough" or would spell out "failure"?

I have!

Marissa Peer (best-selling author, relationship therapist, hypnotherapist, and speaker) calls the "I'm not enough" belief the biggest disease affecting humanity.

She says that ALL of our insecurities are rooted in this one belief.

This deep-rooted belief is one that we learned very early in our lives, and it has taught us that if we aren't doing or accomplishing enough, we are not worthy.

Worthy of what?

Worthy of love, money, health, fulfillment, success, abundance, acceptance, being seen and heard…fill in the blank.

When we’re busy, we feel as though our lives matter, and perhaps only then are we making a difference. We believe that to slow down, care for ourselves deeply, recharge, reflect, replenish, recover, and rest is a waste of time, and maybe the more profound belief is that we don’t deserve it.

Just say’in.😉

We need to take a closer look at what that means, where did we learn it, do we REALLY believe it, and do we want to continue the pattern and, perhaps, even pass it on to our kids?

I grew up with a mother (I love her dearly) that was always in “go mode.” She believed that she didn’t need “self-care time.” She thought that investing in herself was a waste of time and money. She felt that she could do everything on her own and never asked for help or support. Her value was based on how busy she was and not necessarily the quality and intentionality of what she was investing her time in. 

Underlying that belief was that self-care was selfish. She learned that from her mom. I hate to say it, but I don’t think she felt that she deserved it.

Self-care doesn’t necessarily mean spending days in the spa, paying for weekly massages, or spending hundreds of dollars on hair stylists and manicures. It doesn’t mean blowing the bank on $500 shoes, either.

It can mean all of that or none of that.

Less superficial self-care means giving yourself time just to BE and not only DOING each day.

True self-care means taking care of yourself. It means carving out intentional time to get your most basic needs met so that you can recharge your battery. 

IN AYURVEDA, WE CALL THIS “OJAS.”

It’s likened to your energetic bucket🪣. When we fill our bucket daily, we have a surplus to give without depleting ourselves. As a result, we can show up for others with our full attention, ample energy, and clarity, fully grounded and present. However, when we give and give without refilling our bucket, it eventually dries up, leading to burnout, exhaustion, and more profound health issues.

For me, this happens first thing in the morning before 6 am. I rely on this time for myself; no kids, no husband, and no computer. In the predawn hours, I take time to clear my head and connect to spirit with meditation, move my body to get out of my sleepy head, and connect to my breath and body. (Find the times in YOUR schedule that work for you and your life.)

This is when I can care for my needs, like hydrating and eliminating, so I start my day with clear channels and not carry yesterday's toxins into my next day. My self-care power hour in the early morning is sacred to me, and if it does not happen, my day is highly ungrounded, unpredictable, and unproductive.

When I finally dialed in this morning routine and held it sacred to my overall health and wellness, I found that I had more TIME, more ENERGY, more FOCUS & CLARITY, and more JOY each day.

When I carve out this time to care for myself, I feel better about myself. I deserve to do what helps me feel strong, healthy, and capable.

Here’s the thing, your self-worth has nothing to do with how much you can DO. Your self-worth is inherent in who you are as a living, breathing BEING. You are ENOUGH!! 

When you can genuinely believe this, you can unplug from the belief that you have to DO something, BE someone, or measure up to some expectation that you bought into at some point.

From this place, you can truly begin to fall in love with, appreciate, and honor yourself for who you ALREADY are.

This process is about YOU taking care of YOU. That might sound far-fetched, selfish, or too indulgent. You may be someone who deals with self-loathing, feelings of unworthiness, or that everyone else’s needs “should” come before yours because that was what was passed down to you. 

You may experience negative thinking, self-criticism, and judgment daily and consistently DO (overworking, overgiving, overachieving)things that make you feel validated, good enough, or worthy. Btw…we ALL do this to some degree; you are not alone.

However, can you look inside instead of looking outside of yourself for validation or confirmation?

My guess is you will hear self-love, more time and space to slow down, self-care, inner peace, forgiveness, contentment, non-attachment, a deeper connection to your spirit…stuff like that. Not a new handbag, car, or raise.

Get quiet and ask your Inner Voice…

"Where am I at and What do I need?"

Taking small steps in the beginning to make your health and happiness a priority is vital. You will shift this perspective and your relationship with yourself by just beginning to do the most basic, smallest steps to honor your body and listen to your inner voice (intuition) that is always guiding you.

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